Why Fragile Therapy?
The name of our practice reflects an intentional choice to reframe fragility not as an individual weaknesses in character, but instead as an acknowledgement of shared humanity. Here we invite you to notice where and how you are fragile as the first step of a call to action in the commitment to practicing care.
When we experience vulnerability in an area we perceive as fragile (whether emotional, physical, or economic; temporary or chronic) we can think, feel, or respond in ways that validate our own biases and fears of being left behind. This societal abandonment wound does not come from nowhere. Those of us with identities historically deemed undesirable in society (particularly in societies that exist under racial capitalism) — Black folks, Indigenous folks, migrants and refugees, women and gender minorities, disabled people, queer folks, and other marginalized groups — are labeled as fragile and ultimately disposable, should we dare to need more than we have to offer.
Minimizing, denying, or otherwise avoiding the reality of our particular vulnerabilities is a way of coping with fears of this disposability or fantasizing that we have control over them. However, coping in this way not only keeps us disconnected but also can lead to grim consequences: social isolation that conceals abuse and control, the adultification of children of color, stigma and discrimination that keeps people from life-saving care networks and treatment systems, to name a few. In contrast, turning towards vulnerability, the areas and ways in which we can be fragile, facilitates connection and intimacy, the ability to identify needs and barriers to meeting them, and building capacity and skills to better care for ourselves and those we are connected with.
Alice Wong, Disability Visibility: First Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century
“Disability serves as a reminder that no one is exempt from fragility and the potential for facing physical or mental challenges. Through this lens, disability becomes a catalyst for cultivating empathy, understanding, and solidarity among individuals. It teaches us to value and appreciate the diverse experiences of people with disabilities, fostering an inclusive society where everyone can thrive.”
Annika Hansteen-Izora, Tenderness: an honoring of my black queer joy and rage
“White supremacy culture and desirability politics also work to define who is categorized as tender, gentle, or soft [...] and who is deserving of love, attention, and reward. Can I hold a tenderness that goes against the disposability I often see[...]?”
Dr. Devon Price, Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power
“When we are honest about what we need and how badly we’ve been made to feel about those needs, we can make supported decisions that reduce harm.”
Values are the principles and beliefs at the core of one’s life. We have personal values, as well as values in work, family, community, and other areas. Our values guide our decision-making, define the limits of the boundaries we keep, prioritize what is important to us, and inform what motivates us. We invite you to reflect on the following:
Interconnectedness & Interdependence
—How can I sustain and nurture relationships that are reciprocal, honoring that my wellbeing is interconnected with others’?
—How can I cultivate empathy for others without sacrificing my own wellness or succumbing to burnout?
—How can I identify and acknowledge my own boundaries without feeling enmeshed with, overwhelmed by, or detached from others?
—How can I remain mindful of where my individuality intersects with another’s, understanding that we are simultaneously deeply connected and distinct individuals?
Sensitivity/Tenderness as Praxis
—How can I unlearn beliefs rooted in shame, and instead practice mindful and nonjudgemental recognition of my emotions and the impact they have on my decisions?
—How can I tangibly commit to deepening the connection between my body and emotional states?
—In what ways can I be more honest with myself and others about the ways that I impact and the ways that I am impacted?
—How can I develop skills to better tolerate moments of distress, and distinguish emotional validity (that my feelings exist and are real because they are here) from relational responsibility (how I decide to collaboratively show up in my relationships)?
Love as Care in Action
—How can I move from the space of insight (which builds my awareness) to the space of practice (which builds my capacity)?
—How can I engage with boundaries, conflict, grief, and anger not as disconnecting but as arrows that point me towards acts of love, care, and justice?
Shared Accountability
—How do I commit to repair in conflict or when harm has occurred?
—How can I better understand trust as an ongoing risk and gift in my relationships?
—How can I cultivate resilience against systemic shame, that insists I keep myself hidden (rather than motivate me toward processes of repair)?
—How can I retain dignity and self-compassion in conflict and repair work, in order to pursue transformation that rejects punishment, ignoring, or enabling?
Collective Empowerment
—How do I keep in mind the goal of moving from individual sensitivity to collective empowerment?
—How am I joining with or continuing to connect with others who share my experiences of injustice and pain to interrupt cycles of violence or disregard?
Practice Values
Annika Hansteen-Izora, Tenderness: an honoring of my black queer joy and rage
“Both my tenderness and rage recognize that I am worthy of aliveness—constantly pushing to fight for my own liberation, and liberation of my communities. Tenderness is inherently communal: when I heal myself, I have the capacity to show up for the healing of others in my community."